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Another Stupid Biker

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Name: Larry
Email: *************
How I found you: Pure Dumb Luck
Location: Venture, CA
Color of aura: Mauve
My question:
We have a horse that is slow out of the gate, but then runs like the wind, how can we convince the horse to run fast out of the gate?

My Dear Larry,

While I cannot in good conscience claim to be an expert in the equine arena, I am pretty much up to speed on "motivation". My minions often need motivation to get offa their dead cosmic asses and get out and do my bidding.
I've found that a cattle prod is a very effective motivator, and would probably do just fine to hasten your mighty steed's departure from the gate. Not being cognizant of the rules and regulations for horse racing, I don't know whether or not you would be allowed to perform this ritual at the appropriate time. Another thing you might consider is attaching a can of dog food to a string at the end of a stick and dangling it in front of the horse as a reminder of his fate if he doesn't get his ass in gear.

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